Last night, a pain in my chest woke me up. It happens from time to time but never at night. A doctor found a heart abnormality a few years ago. Nothing major… I guess. She didn’t really know. Still, I’m aware that it isn’t impossible that I would die from a heart attack one day.
I’ve never lived with fear in my life and when the thought of me passing away crossed my mind, I wasn’t that scared at the beginning. I just asked God to protect my 86 year-old dad if I’m not around anymore.
Then I realize it just couldn’t be this way. I haven’t accomplished anything major in my life for the kingdom of God yet. I can’t face God in Heaven with no results to show him.
I definitely think that Our Master gave me 5 talents (see The Parable of the Talents) and I’m hiding at least 4. I’m not accomplishing the wonderful things God has in mind for me. I want to be a missionary. I shamelessly want God to use me to transform lives of non-believers. I know that it is the purpose of God for my earthly life.
Then a second chest pain woke me up again. This time I was thinking about my future life partner (one of the major concern I have lately). I will go for no less than a godly woman who’ s willing to dedicate her life for God. I promised to God I won’t marry someone who is not a ezer kenegdo (=help) like God intended Eve to be for Adam.